Karma’s A Bitch & That’s Why I Love Her

In my gay opinion, religion is something very personal and, in life, you have to figure out what works for you. Growing up I was raised Catholic. I was taught to pray by my grandmother and I would only go to church once a year with my sister’s family on Christmas Eve for midnight mass. I only wanted to go so I could stay up past my bedtime and compete with my nephew to see how many hands we could shake during the “peace be with you” portion of the mass. I did find the dim lighting and smell of incense kind of creepy, which as a kid was a perk. However, my inner germaphobe was grossed out by the guy in the white dress giving everybody sips of wine out of the same glass. No, wiping that cup with the same towel after each sip doesn’t count as sanitizing it.

In my teens and early twenties, I looked elsewhere for my spirituality, mostly new age beliefs. I read a lot about talking to ones guardian angels. Since I didn’t have many friends at the time, why not talk to some imaginary ones who looked like Cheryl Ladd in my head. After a couple weeks of one way conversations, I wanted to know the angels were listening and demanded a sign before leaving for work one day. I was living on the forth floor of an apartment building at the time so I went into the empty stairwell, went down one flight, and I realized I forgot my keys. Couldn’t my angels have reminded me to bring them before leaving the house? So I ran back upstairs, grabbed my keys, and headed back to the stairwell. The stairs that were only seconds ago empty were now blocked by a sexy barefooted shirtless man lounging across the step. Copy that angels, existence confirmed.

I no longer believe in god or talk to angels, although when things aren’t working out and a random shirtless guy shows up, I take note. Now I believe in Karma. I have faith in everything I say and do having a reaction in my life, either positive or negative. Karma is like the Judge Judy of the universe. She is fair, just, and there to put you in your place if you get too full of yourself or try to pull the wool over the eyes of others. When things are bad, I know it’s part of the plan and things will get good again with some work. When I’m riding high on a wave of happiness, I appreciate it and thank Karma for the gift. If she can also throw a hot surfer in there, I’d appreciate it more, but Karma doesn’t like it when I get greedy.